Memo to Oliver Stone by Matt Rees

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In Israel, the Jews control the banks! They fill all the top positions in the media! They are behind all the major political powerbrokers! They even print the money!

Someone should look into this, Oliver, because I don’t think it’s just coincidence, and I know you’ll agree. I think you’re the man to expose it.

You said in an interview published this weekend that Hitler was “a Frankenstein,” and then went on to add that the Dr. Frankenstein who created him was an amalgam of U.S., British and German industrialists. You added that the Nazis killed more Russians than Jews and opined that, in spite of this, we tend to think of the Holocaust as a Jewish thing. (You said something else about having “walked in Hitler’s shoes…” but let’s just put that aside for now.)

On the one hand, Oliver, you’re an oaf who has had to apologize for his “clumsy association” about the Holocaust. Well, the art world needs oafs from time to time. Because on the other hand, Oliver, we all ought to remember that reality is much more sophisticated than the explanations of history which are handed down to us, honed and narrowed until they read very simplistically, ignoring inconvenient facts and allowing people to shout down those who point out such facts.

I agree with you that the historical reality of Nazism was more complex than the cartoon version beyond which political correctness doesn’t allow us to stray. I differ with you in that I don’t think “the most powerful lobby in Washington” (translation for those who don’t speak Stonish: “Jews”) are responsible.

How do I know? Well, the Palestinians do the same thing with their history and it isn’t because they’re so powerful in Washington, is it? (Otherwise, why did you, Oliver, make a documentary in which you ran around Ramallah trying to get five minutes with Yasser Arafat, who’d obviously never seen “The Doors” and didn’t seem very interested in you.)

Like anyone else’s explanation of history and nationhood, the popular Palestinian version of how they came to be who they are is a self-serving fiction. That’s what the detective hero of my Palestinian crime novels, Omar Yussef, aims to deflate, and that’s why I made him a history teacher who’d have the knowledge to see through contemporary political myths. Israel’s founding myths also (I’m sure you’ve read Israeli academics Benny Morris and Zeev Sternhell, so you’ll know what I mean) are at least 65 percent B.S. and much trickery with smoke and mirrors.

Just to prove finally that this is neither a Jewish technique nor a Middle Eastern problem, get this: even the Welsh are in on this sort of thing. My own people invented an entirely new history for themselves in the mid-nineteenth century. They had a perfectly interesting real history, but a famous old mythmaker from Glamorgan decided to pump up the druidical elements (all smoke and no mirrors). He added choral competitions and had little girls dress up as jolly witches on the national saint’s day. Bingo, a nation colorful nation with a strong sense of identity.

I once met a rabbi who said, “You’re from Wales? Not much history of pogroms there. But then, not many Jews either.” He’d obviously forgotten about the ransacking of Jewish shops by striking miners in 1911. Evidently, though he was deeply paranoid, he wasn’t quite paranoid enough.

Unlike you, Oliver. I don’t doubt you’ll be convinced that the conspiracy has come down on you and forced you to issue an apology, as you did through your spokesman at Rubenstein Communications in New York.

Wait. Rubenstein Communications? Oliver, are you part of the conspiracy, too? Thinking conspiratorially, I might say that you stuck out your neck knowing that it’d be chopped off by the people who, as you point out, “fucked up United States foreign policy for years.” Was that your plan to get publicity for your “Wall Street” sequel which is out next month?

If so, I’d better cancel this memo.

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